Legendary Bloopers Goes CelShaded
by swedishfish67
Summary: Observe Link's trials and tribulations as he tracks down his naughty sister Aryll because she stole his bag of Swedish Fish (it was fat free). Now in French, Portuguese, British, and German! (Don't ask) Also introducing.. the Duke of Red Lions!
1. Legendary Critique

**Legendary Bloopers Goes Cell-Shaded**

**Chapter 1:** Legendary Critique

* * *

(catchy legend music)

_This is but one of the legends of which the people speak…_

**Link:** …

_Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden._

**Link:** Ooohhh golden power, eh? I want one!

_It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace._

**Link:** Ummm, if this is Hyrule you're talking about, you've got the WRONG place, dude. Hyrule has ONE green forest to speak of, and it's a 'wood' anyway, not a 'forest'. Hyrule has ONE mountain, and if you ask me it's more of a volcano anyway. And Hyrule has NO peace, cause look who's out saving your butts?!

_But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself…_

**Link:** Now we get to the good part.

_With its strength at his command; he spread darkness across the kingdom._

**Link:** No he didn't, not yet. He doesn't spread darkness until… 7 years later.

_But then, when all hope had died and the hour of doom seemed at hand…_

**Link:** They've got it all wrong. Anyway, here I come! _(rubs hands together in anticipation)_

…_a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere!_

**Link:** Ahem… I didn't come from nowhere, and why is the green so important? I look better in red.

_Wielding the blade of evils bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light._

**Link:** It wasn't that simple!!!

_This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time._

**Link:** No... really?

_The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend…_

**Link:** Not in Hyrule, it wasn't. I haven't heard that legend anywhere!

_But then… a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom._

**Link:** Gasp!

_The great evil that all had though been forever sealed away by the hero…_

**Link:** What an incomplete sentence.

…_Once again crept forth from the depths of the earth, eager to resume its dark designs._

**Link:** Aha. Thanks for clarifying what I already knew!

_The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them._

**Link:** Heroes don't live any longer than ordinary people, morons. I was dead!

…_but the hero did not appear._

**Link:** _(sarcastically)_ Oh dear.

_Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods._

**Link:** Help us gods, help us! We can't save our own skins, ho no!

_In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate._

**Link:** Typical.

_What became of the kingdom…? None remain who know._

**Link:** You just told the story! Friggin idiot!! You should know!

_The memory of that kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the winds breath._

**Link:** What a great seg-way to 'The _Wind_ Waker'. Not.

_On a certain island, it became customary to garb boys in green when they came of age._

**Link:** and…?

_Clothed in the green of fields, they aspired to find heroic blades and cast down evil._

**Link:** Good luck with that. They are on an ISLAND.

_The elders wished only for the youths to know courage like the hero of legend…_

**Link:** _(strikes a heroic pose)_

_(screen fades out)_

(theme plays)

_(words appear:)_

**Game:** The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

**Link:** Eww! It's the BOAT!!!!

**Game:** Press Start

**Link:** _(presses start)_ Sigh.

**Game:** Do do do do de doo!

(fairy fountain music)

**File 1:** Link

**File 2:** Someone

**File 3:** Someone Else

**Link:** _(selects file 1)_

**Game:** Start? Copy? Erase?

**Link:** Heh heh heh… _(copies his file onto all the other files)_ Now I have no chance of messing up which one I choose!!

**Link:** Well, here goes nothing… _(presses start)_

**Game:** Do do do do de doo!


	2. Theft!

**Legendary Bloopers Goes Cel-Shaded**

**Chapter 2: **Theft!

**

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**

OUTSET ISLAND

**Aryll:** OYYYYYY!!!! OYYYYY!!!! Oops, I mean, BIG BROTHER!!!!!!!

**Link:** _(wakes up suddenly, sweating) _Waah? Eek! I had the most terrible dream I looked like a cartoon and had black eyebrows that clashed with my blond hair! Eek! IT'S TRUEE! _(runs around the lookout tower thingie and nearly falls over)_

**Aryll:** _(panting)_ Link… big brother… Grammy says to come to the house. Wait, that's not my line. _(ponders)_ Oh, right. Big brother, what day is today?

**Link:** MY BIRTHDAY, MORON!!! _(throws a temper tantrum) _HOW COULD YOU FORGET!!!!??

**Aryll:** _(cowering) (holds out telescope, trembling)_ Here…

**Link:** _(snatches it from her hand) _Gee, thanks!! _(looks into sky)_ EEP! AN UGLY BIRD!

**Aryll:** Hey, it's got something!

**Link:** shut up, you. _(points)_ Hey! It's got something!

**Aryll:** _(rolls eyes) _

**Link:** Cannon fire… oh! A pirate ship!! COOOOOLLL!!!

**Aryll:** Can we go to the house now?

**Link:** I said SHUT UP!! _(sees tetra fall into the woods) _Hey, it dropped it! Hahaha!

**Aryll:** Shouldn't you go see what it is?

**Link:** Nah. Let's go back to the house.

**

* * *

**

THE HOUSE

**Link:** Sooooo… where's my present?

**Grandmother:** Hang on, dearie, Let me just go get it_… (walks very slowly towards the cabinet)_

**Link:** Hurry up, ALREADY! _(pouts)_

**Aryll:** I'm going to go get captured by a bird so the plot can develop, bye! _(runs off)_

**Grandmother:** Here they are, sweet. I made them especially for you for your 12th birthday!

**Link: **I'm ten.

**Grandmother:** _(hands him un-amply named 'hero's clothes')_

**Link:** What the CRAP?? THAT'S IT?! I'd rather stay in my freakin' pjs!

**Grandmother:** _(looks confused)_ you can't do that until the second quest, I thought?

**Link:** Aww, too bad! _(throws clothes on the ground and runs away)_

**

* * *

**

OUTSET ISLAND

**Link: **Hmmm… I wonder where I should go… I know! I'll go figure out why that skinny sword-obessed dude hasn't wished me a happy birthday!

**

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**

ORCA'S HOUSE

**Link:** Gee, um, Mr… Orca sir, I was just stopping by..

**Orca:** _(gong noise) (bows) _Let us begin!

**Link:** What the crap? _(grabs a sword and stabs Orca by accident)_ uh oh! _(runs as Orca pursues him) _Ahh!!!

**

* * *

**

FORBIDDEN WOODS

**Orca:** _(chases link angrily up the hill and stops when he reaches the sign that says: 'do not enter: forbidden woods')_ Aw well. _(turns around)_

**Link:** _(hiding behind a bush)_ Phew. That was close. Hey what's that thing hanging stupidly on a tree?

**Tetra:** Wah? Wah? WAAAH!! (falls out of tree)

**Link:** Woah! It talks!

**Tetra:** _(groggily)_ fight the monsters, will you, kid?

**Link:** Monsters! Eek! _(flings sword around in a circle kinda by accident and kill the moblin things)_

**Pirates:** Ms. Tetra! _(take tetra away)_

**Link**: Aww.. crap.

**

* * *

**

BRIDGE

**Aryll:** Big brother, I want my telescope back please!

**Link:** You can't have it, no take backs!

**Aryll:** Yes take backs!

**Link:** No take backs!

**Aryll:** Yes take backs!

**Pirates n Tetra:** _(heads following the speaker, snickering quietly)_

**Link:** No!

**Aryll:** Yes!

**Link:** No take backs!

**Aryll:** Yes take ba- eek!

**Helmaroc King:** CREEEAHHHH!!!! _(grabs Aryll and flies off)_

**Link:** Ha! Now I get to keep it!

**Pirates n Tetra:** _(laughing hysterically)_

**Link:** _(checking his pockets frantically)_ Hey wait; she stole my skittles!!! GET BACK HERE!!! _(chases the bird and falls off the cliff)_

**Tetra:** _(grabs his hand even though he's far out of reach)_ Forget it. I saw her take the lime flavor.

**Link:** Oh, fine then. I guess I'll let it go. I don't like lime much. _(ponders)_

**

* * *

**

BACK ON OUTSET, THE BEACH

**Tetra:** _(sneers)_ Sorry, kid. Tough luck, but you ain't coming with us.

**Link:** One, you're the same age as me so stop calling me kid. Two, but I want to be a pirate, like my role model, Cap'n Jack Sparrow! _(strikes a heroic pose, or what he thinks is one)_

**Pirates n Tetra:** _(burst out laughing)_

**Rito Dude, Quill:** _(flies over)_ Excuse me, but, Link… I think you should know… Aryll also told me she stole your…your..

**Link:** _(eagerly)_ My what?

**Quill:** Your… SWEDISH FISH!!!

**Link, Pirates, and Tetra:** GASP!!!! NOT THE SWEDISH FISH!!!

**Quill:** Yes, I'm sorry to say that it was the original red flavor, the whole bag. _(sniff)_ it was even… fat free…

**Link:** NOOOOOOOOO

**Tetra:** That's it. We have no choice. You're coming with us, kid. You have to get those Swedish fish back from your sister!

**Link:** Okay, hang on. I need a shield.

**Tetra:** No you don't, now hop aboard! Hurry!

**Quill:** _(shouting after them)_ SAVE SOME SWEDISH FISH FOR ME TOO, OKAY?

**Link:** Yeah right!


	3. Huh?

empress here. thanx to all my reviewers and readers! :P

**cookie pixie:** thanx! yeah I was thinking of how to do the prologue and I figured link could do the commentary :P anyways, thanx for adding me story to ur faves!

**prince izzy 1:** I have updated and I have put up the old legendary bloopers, did u see? lol thanx for reviewing!

**alexia:** I dunno if sweidsh fish really r from Sweden. you would think so but one does not know these days, lol. I luv Swedish fish. I am eating some right now munch munch munch

**cons (friend irl): **I like the lime flavor too, ctard, I just had to make something happen and lime was the first thing that popped into me head. lmao, see u at school

**frizzmedusa:** yeah, Swedish fish. u got a problem with that?! jk! lmao thanx for reviewing n all that

**flamesage:** thanx so much! of course, my sole objective here at is to please me readers… (and to get reviews cough cough cough) lol :P

to all me readers, fans and other obnoxious viewers like you, please check out my other equally funny if not funnier story Legendary Bloopers, the original, OoT spoof! its real good. ive got 23 reviews currently and had 32 last summer before it was deleted! im trying to beat my old score!

the fanfic, finally

**

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**

Legendary Bloopers Goes Cel-Shaded

**Chapter Three: **Huh?

* * *

**ABOARD THE PIRATES SHIP**

**Link:** _(looks across the water at all the waving people) _STOP WAVING! YOU'RE EMBARRASING ME, FREAKS!!!! ARRGHHH!! _(stomps below deck)_

**Tetra:** What's his prob?

**Gonzo:** _(shrugs)_

**Tetra:** At least we know that he'll lead us to certain yummy treasure… Swedish fish! the sacred treasure ive never seemed to lay my cartoon hands on! _(secret and mysterious wink-y thing - do do do do do doo!)_

**Gonzo:** _(licks lips)_

**Tetra:** Are you incapable of speaking? Ah well, then. Off to do something more productive…. like, um, steering the ship or something. toodles! _(walks off screen)_

**Gonzo:** _(stares blankly into space)_

**

* * *

**

BELOW DECK

**Link:** _(wanders around aimlessly)_ Sheesh, I wish they would let me into tetra's room! im sure shes got food in there and im STARVING!

**Pirate:** No entry, this is miss tetra's room.

**Link:** I know, dammit! Arrgh. _(stomps below below deck)_

**

* * *

**

BELOW BELOW DECK

**(DON'T ASK)**

**Link:** Soooo um, what the crap?

**Niko (isn't that his name?):** 'Ello, mr. underling sir. yup, yup, you wanna take a test? I'll give you something really cool if you do, and you pass.

**Link:** Is the prize edible?

**Niko:** uh… no.

**Link:** Then no. Too bad, shorty.

**Niko:** Pleaseeeeeee?!

**Link:** Nuh uh.

**Niko:** Fine. I guess I just won't return this bag of oyster crackers that I stole.

**Link:** Oyster crackers! You couldn't have!! those were stuffed up my hat for emergencies!

**Niko:** I have connections. Now are you taking the test or not.

**Link:** _(resignedly)_ fiiinnneee.

_(da da da da da da dun! seeegggwaayyyy)_

**

* * *

Niko: Sooooo um, heres the test. Allow me to demonstrate.**

**Link:** _(grumpily)_ No need. I get it.

**Niko:** Too bad, sucker, its my job to be annoying. I'm getting a good paycheck. Now, hit this switch 3 times and spin around like a ballerina… then…. and then…. then… uh…. and then… so im like…. dancing edible bears!.... oink…. and then… yeah. You get it?

**Link:** _(zoning off into space) _huh… what? Yeah I've got it. So go and stand over there already.

**Niko:** _(miraculously jumps in one flying leap to the other side of the room)_ Okay, start now. Tomorrow.

**Link:** Huh? Whatever. Now what? Oh yeah.

_(he walks over to the switch and pounds it with his butt three times and spins around in a circle like a ballerina. then link proceeds to jump in a flying leap to a nearby platform. he jumps up and down and flings himself 2 inches to the next platform. he does this for a while until he is faced with an obstacle very difficult for him to comprehend… there was no gap to jump across. the next platform was literally a centimeter from where he stood. He couldn't understand what to do. Finally, link remembered he needed to fly like a dancing edible bear across the centimeter gap and straight to where niko was. link flew and landed on niko's face.)_

**Link:** _(lands on nikos face)_ OINK!!

**Niko:** Congratulations! You passed the test! Here are your oyster crackers.

**Link:** what about my prize?

**Niko:** Oh yeah… here. It's a spoils bag. You can use it to hold dancing edible bears.

**Link:** _(looks puzzled)_ do dancing edible bears really fly?

**Niko:** No. Neither do they exist. I just thought it might help you get across the platform with no gap. You seemed kinda slow to me.

**Link:** Huh?

**Niko:** Exactly. Now go, hurry, Tetra will be waiting for you.

**Link:** How do you know?

**Niko:** I have connections, didn't I tell you? Oh, and I certainly hope that you aren't afraid of cannons.

**Link:** Huh?

**Niko:** _(sigh)_

**

* * *

**

ABOVE DECK

**Tetra:** Oh Link!!!! I'm up here in the crow's nest!!!!

**Link:** Where's that?

_(a few minutes later)_

**Tetra:** …so I most certainly hope you aren't afraid of cannons.

**Link:** Huh?

**Tetra:** _(secret mysterious wink-y thing - do do do do do dooo!)_

_(later)_

**Link:** _(stating blankly into space)_ Huh? Oh right. AHHhhh!!!! _(starts struggling around in the barrel)_

**Tetra:** A few questions. One, how the crap did we get you into a cannon without you noticing, and two, why the crap didn't you notice?!

**Link:** Huh?

**Tetra:** Nevermind. That fortress over there is called Forsaken Fortress.

**Link:** Why?

**Tetra:** It's kinda obvious. Hopefully you'll figure it out when you get there.

**Link:** I'm going there?

**Tetra:** Yup. FIREE!!!!

**Link:** Huh?? WAAAAHHHHH

* * *

empress agaiiinnn… so maybe that wasn't as good, but it was still okay, right? huh? huh? lol. next chapter: link's escapades in yet another barrel!! :P 


	4. Technical Difficulties

**Legendary Bloopers Goes Cel-Shaded**

**Chapter 4: **Crap.

**Link:** _(gets blasted out of cannon and just as he hits the wal-_

* * *

**Empress (Your dedicated authoress):** We interrupt this mildly significant part of the plot to bring you an announcement. The importance of the announcement is up to you to decide _(wink) _

Empress here. Looks like I have interrupted your happy involvement in the number of reviews I shall be receiving… please don't let this minor interruption stop you from reviewing!

The point is; I would like to take advantage of you - I mean, this opportunity - to explain some important plot developments yet to come.

First of all. The reason you have been rudely interrupted is because…

Well…

Its kinda embarrassing, but…

The script has been dropped on the floor.

That's right, my fellow authors and authoresses, the script has been dropped on the floor and it's pages scattered into the four directions we like to call North, East, South, and West.

By whom, you ask?

By none other than - THE BOAT!!!

Dun dun duuuuunnnnn!!!

**The Boat (King of Red Lions):** Yes, it is I, the evil talking boat! I have dropped the script on the floor using my grappling hook-

**Link:** That would be _my_ grappling hook.

**The Boat:** -and now no one will ever know the proper order in which things happen! Mwahahahaha!!!

**Empress:** _(attempts to restrain boat)_ We have a situation on our hands, my faithful reviewers. The boat has a point -

How will we ever know what happens next in the correct chronological order?

**Link:** Not to fear, Empress. You take care of that boat. I'll take a look at keeping our readers happy and reviewing.

**Boat:** Get your hands off me! I'm a King!

**Empress:** And I'm an Empress. Go on, Link! Put up the next chapter!

**Link:** _(grabs the file on top of the stack of mismatched chapters) _Well, it's worth a try…

* * *

**Legendary Bloopers: Randomness Prevails**

**Chapter 8: **Hottie with a Horse

**Malon: **Well, it is a little embarrassing, but… Epona is afraid of grass.

**Link: **_(raises eyebrows)_

**Navi: **_(raises virtually nonexistent eyebrows)_

**Ingo: **_(sneers and raises eyebrows)_

**Malon: **What? Did I miss something?

LATER, AT THE RANCH

(Lon Lon Ranch tunes!)

**Navi: **Well, that went well.

**Link: **Yup. Hey whatcha got there? Did you waste some of my hard earned rupees, eh? It took me _oodles _of time to get all those.

**Navi: **I didn't buy anything. This ticket I've got basically claims we're bankrupt.

**Link: **What happened to all those rupees I got selling dogs????

**Navi: **_(gulps and turns red) _you… dropped them along the way….?

**Link: **arrggghhhhh

_(five minutes later)_

**Navi: **I confess! I needed some expensive hair spray!

* * *

**Link:** Crap. This isn't it! Empress, why is there a file for _Randomness Prevails _in this stack?

**Empress:** _(hitting the boat with a bottle of hair spray)_

**Boat:** ow! ow! ow! ow!

**Empress:** Errrmmm…. it must've fallen off my desk and gotten scooped up with the _Cel-Shaded_ ones. Try another, kay?

**Link:** Whatever.

* * *

Dear Cap'n Jack Sparrow,

I love you dearly, Cap'n Jack. You are my inspiration for everything and my role model. You wouldn't believe how much stuff I have in order to worship you - a poster, a poster, a life-size cardboard poster, a bulletin board full of pictures, a magnet set, a talking action figure with a removable hat, sword, compass, rum bottle, and pistol, I've seen the movie 19 times (4 in theatres), oh, and a pillowcase-

* * *

**Link:** EMPRESS!

**Empress:** _(smiling guiltily)_ What?

**Link:** A pillowcase?

**Empress:** Wanna bet?

**Link:** _(sigh) (pulls out another file)_

* * *

-2 copies of the DVD, the Lost Disk, the special edition, a throw blanket, oh and I've got this other poster, and I think I may even have a picture of you in my wallet… yeah here it is. Oh and did I mention I have a pen with your picture on it? You wouldn't believe how much-

* * *

**Link:** _(shakes head sadly) _People these days…

* * *

**Poultry Wars Episode XXVI**

**La's Revenge**

* * *

**Empress:** NO DON'T READ THAT!!!!

**Link:** Why?

**Empress:** That's top secret information between me and my clients!

**Link:** Your clients?

**Empress:** K and A, of course, ya know, two of my best friends? They wrote Poultry Wars. I edit.

**Link:** Oh.

* * *

**Legendary Bloopers Goes Cel-Shaded**

**Chapter 61: **The Boat's Speech Part 56

**The Boat:** Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…

**Link: **Wha? Oh. _(snores)_

* * *

**Legendary Bloopers Goes Cel-Shaded**

**Chapter 103: **The Boat's Speech Part 98

**Boat:** Blah. Blah? Blah blah BLAH!!!! Blah blah blah blah blah. Would you like me to repeat that?

**Link:** Wha? Yes, mommy. I want to go to school today. _(grunt) (snore)_

**Boat: **Yes it is, then! Blah blah blah blah…

* * *

**Link:** Well, Empress, looks like Chapter 4: Crap., the Forsaken Fortress chapter, will have to be post-poned. I can't find it here on the top, and it'll take longer than the amount of time we have to search through this pile of crap.

**Empress:** _(sighs)_ Aw, well. Goodbye, dear readers, hopefully by next time _Link_ will have gone through those papers _by himself_ and found the correct chapter.

**Link:** What?!

**Empress:** You heard me.

**Link:** _(tackles her)_

**Boat:**_ (escapes) _Mwahaha!


	5. Ding Dong

**Disclaimer:** As if I own Zelda, Tamora Pierce, Ghostbusters, or anything! C'mon, really!

**Acknowledgements:** Erm, thanks to for the translations. Thanks to Holz for the original idea for this chap. Thanks to all me reviewers! And thanks to you, dear reader, for putting up with me.

_**Brief Just in Case:** _Okay, sorry if anyone gets offended by this chapter because I make fun of proper English/British/Any other language. I know that in Britain it really isn't THAT proper, but I thought it would be funny to write part of a chapter as though it were a HP movie like with 'bloody brilliant!' and 'extraordinary!' I'm just such an American. I've never said the word 'brilliant' for any actual conversation. Lol. I'm so improper. Anyways, don't flame me! And I know that the German, French, and Portuguese translations aren't _exactly _perfect, but, being a total American, I do not speak those languages and am relying completely on Thank you. I am done.

* * *

**Empress:** So, Link, how's it going? 

**Link:** _(death glares)_

**Empress:** Well, dear readers, it looks as though Link is not having much luck at the moment. Chapter 4 will have to be-

**The Boat:** _(running around Empress's office where she writes her fics)_ MWHAHAHAHAH! MY PLAN IS WORKING! MWHAHAHAHA!

**Link and Empress:** WOULD YOU SHUT UP!

**The Boat:** _(ponders)_ No.

**Link:** _(shoving the Boat into a supply closet)_ Empress, we gotta do something!

**Empress:** Noooo…. really?

**Link:** Well, we can't sit around here and take up an entire other chapter with our endless ramblings.

**Empress:** Of course we can!

**Link: **Can you imagine the lack of reviews we would receive?

**Empress: **The horror! Link, we have no choice-

**Link and Empress, simultaneously:** WE MUST PUT UP THE BRITISH VERSION! _(dun dun duuunnnnnnnnn da da da duuunnnnnn lol jk)_

**

* * *

**

Legendary Humourous Mistakes Become Specially Animated

**Chapter the Fourth: **How Unfortunate.

**Link:** _(gets projected out of an unusual, powerful war device and as he approaches the inappropriate landing spot, his blade soars through the air to fall on the opposite side of the fortress.)_

**Link:** Bloody cannon! How unfortunate that my blade has been projected to the opposite side of the fortress over yonder. What ever shall I do?

**Stone-Thing:** _(unusual sound effect) _Master Link, are you able to comprehend what I am saying?

**Link:** I beg your pardon?

**Tetra (on the stone thing): **Master Link, I communicating with you via this brilliant device made of stone.

**Link:** Bloody hell!

**Tetra:** I do believe that it is necessary to disable the watchtowers so you may proceed to that window over yonder.

**Link:** Well, alright then.

**Tetra:** You must ensure that the guardsmen are not aware of your presence. This will result in some unfortunate events involving you and a prison compartment.

**Link:** Extraordinary!

**Tetra:** I must depart from this location for I will soon be otherwise occupied with events of similar importance. Farewell, Master Link!

**Link:** I do wonder what I am supposed to be utilizing that barrel for. It does seem to be of significant location and importance.

_(many moments have passed since the previous entry)_

**Link:** _(lurking discreetly in the darkness, located underneath the barrel mentioned earlier.)_

**Guardsmen:** _(based on his lack of intelligence, the guardsmen does not realise Link's approaching footsteps or other obvious clues that Link is currently invading the fortress.)_

**Link:** _(stealthily creeps up the stairwell to proceed to the opposite side of the fortress using his barrel contraption) _This is bloody brilliant! I shan't get caught by those dreadful guardsmen!

**

* * *

Empress:** Crap. 

**Link:** _(leaning forcefully against the door to the supply closet where they've imprisoned the boat)_ What now? _(sighs)_

**Empress:** I only have one page of the Proper English/British version. I never finished translating.

**Link:** That sucks. Now what do we do?

**The Boat:** _(pounding on door) _LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!

**Empress:** Hmm… Well, I've got the next part in German.

**Link:** Fine, put that up until you can find something better.

**

* * *

IN GERMAN **

**Schutz:** _(sieht Verbindung und wirft Feuer an ihm, während die Warnung ausgeht)_, EINDRINGLING! EINDRINGLING!

**Verbindung: **Eek! _(Versuche zu entgehen aber können nicht nichts durch das Faß und Abbrüche sehen in die Wand)_

**Schutz:** _(Throw Verbindung im Gefängnis)_

**IM GEFÄNGNIS**

**Verbindung:** Mist, jetzt was tue ich? _(Atemzug)_ jetzt. Ich werde in hier... für immer... gehaftet _(fängt an zu schreien)_

**IN ENGLISH**

**Guard:**_ (sees Link and throws fire at him while the alarm goes off) _INTRUDER! INTRUDER!

**Link:** Eek! _(attempts to escape but can't see anything through the barrel and crashes into the wall)_

**Guards:** _(throw Link in jail)_

**IN THE JAIL**

**Link:** Crap, now what do I do? _(sniffle)_ Now.. I'm stuck in here… forever…. _(begins to cry)_

**

* * *

Empress:** Umm…. That's all I got… what about French? **

* * *

IN FRENCH**

**Lien :** Peut-être je juste... Je juste... Je sais ! Je jette un pot à ces gardes pour leur montrer ce que je pense à elles ! Oui ! _(rires mal)_

**IN ENGLISH**

**Link:** Maybe I'll just… I'll just… I know! I'll throw a pot at those guards to show them what I think of them! Yeah! _(laughs evilly)_

**

* * *

Empress:** Uh… Portuguese? **

* * *

IN PORTUGUESE**

**Ligação:** _(escolhe acima o potenciômetro e o joga nas barras da gaiola, que, obviamente, não o trabalha e não pulveriza preferivelmente com as partes do potenciômetro)_ nada! Espera... um furo na parede...

**IN ENGLISH**

**Link:** _(picks up the pot and throws it at the bars of the cage, which, obviously, does not work and instead sprays him with pieces of the pot)_ Damn! Wait… a hole in the wall…

**

* * *

Link:** Empress, this is pointless. The chapter isn't any good if it's in like 5 different languages. 

**Empress:** 4, actually.

**Link:** _(rolls eyes)_ Whatever. Look, don't you have a copy that IS ACTUALLY IN ONE COMMONLY UNDERSTOOD LANGUAGE!

**Empress:** Well… there is one… it's the first draft of the chapter that I wrote when I was in second grade. _(blushes)_

**Link:** _(raises eyebrows) _We've got no choice. I'll keep searching. Put it up.

* * *

link; cralls in The hol an in The tunle He is son lost and. i m stok! hellp mee. then link triyz 2 **

* * *

Link:** Okay. No. 

**Empress: **_(looks amused)_ Ditto. I can't believe I used to be that bad.

**Link:** You haven't improved much.

**Empress:** _(insulted)_ HEY!

**The Boat:** _(breaks down the door to the supply closet while they are distracted, sifts through the pile, and quickly finds the correct, complete, chapter 4!)_ Mwahaha! This what you're looking for? _(holds it up with his grappling hook)_

**Empress:** THE CHAPTER! _(dives towards the boat)_

**Link:** Empress, don't-

**The Boat:** _(swings his grappling hook the other way and Empress lands flat on her face on the floor)_ Ha!

**Empress:** _(gets to her feet, rubbing her head_) Give that back, menace!

**The Boat:** Never! _(stuffs the first page of the chapter into his mouth, chews, and swallows with a Gulp!)_

**Empress and Link:** _(watch in horror) _

**Empress:** _(stunned)_

**The Boat:** _(laughing evilly, preparing to eat another page)_

**Link:** _(recovers quickly, draws his sword, and stabs The Boat straight through)_

**The Boat:** I feel… stupid. _(dies)_ **-Blatant POTC Rip-off-**

**Empress: **_(cheers)_ DING DONG THE BOAT IS DEAD!

**Link:** _(dances in a circle)_ DING DONG THE BOAT IS DEAD!

**Empress:** _(stops)_ Wait… what are we gonna do now? We're missing a page of the script,

**Link:** _(interrupts, dragging the boat's corpse into a plastic bag)_ The readers already read the first page in multiple languages.

**Empress:** Oh, right. Well, now we have no one to play the Boat when we get to that chapter of the story.

**Link:** _(throwing the plastic bag in the trash) _Actu-

**Empress:** Wait! He's recyclable!

**Link:** _(stuffs the bag in the recycling bin instead)_ Actually, I know who to call-

**Empress:** GHOSTBUSTERS! _(da da da dun!)_

**Link:** _(looks amused)_ Uh… not exactly. See, I was thinking we could call in the Queen of Red Lions, The Boat's wife. (remember that The Boat is actually named the King of Red Lions). She never liked him either, haha. Maybe she'll be his replacement.

**Empress:** Worth a try!

_(20 minutes later)_

**Queen of Red Lions:** Oh, thank you _EVER SO MUCH_ for murdering my husband! Never could stand the guy. He was always so… stupid.

**Empress:** Yes, we know. Now about our replacement problem…

**Queen of Red Lions:** Ah, yes of course. I have the perfect replacement-

**Link:** The _Prince_ of Red Lions? Hahaha!

**Queen of Red Lions:** No, no, my son would never agree. I was thinking maybe… our nephew, the Duke of Red Lions.

**Empress:** Uh… you mean… the king's nephew, otherwise known as the prince's cousin…?

**Link:** Yup, that would be it.

**Empress:** I have a bad feeling about this… my Tamora Pierce senses are tingling… Duke Roger was-

**Queen of Red Lions:** Oh, no, the Duke of Red Lions, my nephew, he is very kind. No worries.

**Link:** We'll take him.

**Empress:** Fiiinnneee. Thank you kindly, Queen of Red Lions. Tell your friend the Empress of Red Lions that I say hi!

**Queen:** Will do!

**Link:** And that's that. Toodles!

**Empress:** Way to steal my line.


End file.
